God made all things perfect

There is a reason why you need a man and a woman to make babies and why they are made differently. Because the other makes up for that one's faults and compliments one with his talents.

I am thankful that God has given me the perfect partner in my baby's daddy. He is strong in all I have lacking and (a little!) weak in most I excel in. I think he felt my stress today and helped to feed the baby almost every single feed. I thank God that I actually don't feel Ezra direct so daddy can feed him too, this is a blessing in disguise. I can say with confidence I will not be able to get through the day with his help.

Auntie is gone for 12 hours now. Since then, Ezra fed 7 times, pooped 3 times, vomited twice and fussed quite alot. We were wondering why he doesn't fuss so much with Auntie around! I think he knows Auntie is no longer here to help... maybe he just wants to give us a hard time! Anyway, I feel more confident now that I'll be able to handle him alone.

"God, thank you for giving me a lovely husband and baby. Please help me to take care of them like the godly woman in Proverbs 31."

1 month

Ezra is a month old tomorrow.

And yes, the dreaded time has come - the time for Auntie to leave. I don't think anyone can understand the anxiety I'm feeling. They might think I'm just being lazy, impatient or plain scared. Yes, I am definitely impatient and scared but NOT lazy.

Tomorrow is the first day of forever, just me and Ezra. His life is in my hands, I better make the right decisions. Oh yah, I'm so worried, trembling in my pants now that I'll be such a failure at being a mom. Is this depression setting in?

I can only pray and ask God for help.

This is supposed to be a time of celebration, not a time of agony but I just can't help but be upset.

I think this is depression setting in.

A mother's anxiety

I'm already feeling upset that Auntie is going to leave soon. I have mixed feelings - on one hand, I would love to be more hands on with Ezra, do things my way and spend more time with him. On the other hand, I wished there was someone there that could 'take over' whenever I am tired, like bathing, feeding and cleaning him. And of course, I am quite fond of her although some of her ways could be improved. And I like her cooking as well! My MIL doesn't fry much stuff and I love fried stuff!!!

I've also been thinking of how to 'arrange' the house so that it'll be conducive for all of us. Have decided to make the spare room Ezra's play room and all the pets and hobbies goes out into the living room. I spend so little time outside these days. So, there are a couple of improvements to make and some tidying to do before Auntie leaves, else I probably would have little time to do these when I'm with Ezra full time.

This new phase...

Just browsing through the older posts in this blog... it all seemed like a lifetime ago! So familiar yet seemed so long ago.

Wow, time flies, from the time I conceived Ezra till now, he is 3 weeks old. I haven't totally done all the 'thinking' yet... like how I would like to raise him, the expectations, the rules, etc. I pray that God will give me the wisdom to be the mother described in Proverbs 31.

I don't want to miss a thing

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure

Yah, this is not the most edifying song, but it speaks my heart right now.

As I stand and watch Ezra sleep, I thank God for this amazing child that He has given to me. He makes faces while he sleeps, his every movement trills me, I could watch him forever. My heart fills with unconditional love for him (I can say that now he is a good boy!) and my eyes fills with tears of joy just thinking of him.

Oh! How much more does our Dear Lord love us? Much more than we can ever imagine or comprehend.
"Lord, help me to set my priorities right, help me to put you first, help me to love and serve you with all my heart."