Ezra is ONE!

Throughout the day, I was recollecting what I experienced a year ago. It seemed like it all happened yesterday. Time really, really flies. My baby is one!!!

I've always wanted to have kids, but nothing I could do would prepare me for this. Every day is a new experience of joy and laughter and sometimes frustration. 

A new phase as began. A phase of exciting (yet scary) time of learning and growth. Ezra learns very quickly, when he wants to. He likes to mimic others. It took him a few seconds to learn to 'blow' (a candle), although not much air comes out, hah! He quickly learned to peek through the hole in his toy but takes ages to learn that he is not supposed to touch the fan - oh, my stubborn boy!

I pray that God will help us raise Ezra to be an obedient and God-fearing child. I pray that God will give me discipline, wisdom, patience and lots of love for my family. I pray that God will keep everyone safe and healthy so we can serve him for many days to come. Amen.

Ezra goes to Penang!

As my birthday gift (i think), Julia and Kelvyn brought us to Penang for a vacation! 

Off we went on the morning of the 7th, with Ezra coming down with a mild flu. Our flight got slightly delayed, so I decided we should get some medication at the clinic. Well, unfortunately I didn't think to buy travel insurance this time (I wonder why! It just didn't come across my mind at all!), the bill came up to $70+ and he didn't even get better after taking them! Lesson learned! Always buy travel insurance for the little guy and never visit the clinic at the airport.

Well, besides the delayed flight and expensive medical fees, the trip went very well, with lots of good food and company. Mum and Michael came along as well. I think the last time I took a trip with my mom was ages ago, so this is a good time to bond, and for her to bond with Ezra as well since she doesn't get to see him very much. I was thankful that there was someone to take over because I was rather tired at times.

We had lots to eat, as expected... Jalan Selamat for Char Kway Teow in the afternoon, then Gurney Drive at night... Nasi Kandar for lunch the next day and great seafood with Kelvyn's family for dinner... on my birthday, we had Bah Kut Teh for breakfast, Chicken Rice and awesome Asam fish soup for lunch, Chendol for dessert and a fantastic chinese dinner. Before we headed to the airport, we downed some Old Town coffee and tea, and more local food. Of course we did some sightseeing as well, Penang Hill on the 2nd day and the Peranakan House on the 3rd.

I really enjoyed the company of my sis, Kelvyn and my mom during the trip. I am thankful for Kelvyn for driving us about and introducing the great food and sights, and for being able to spend more time with my mom (although not very much, actually, cos we were in separate cars).

I will definitely go back to Penang again... maybe next year! :)

3 weeks to a year old! wow!

Blogger is finally working ok again! yay! 

I'm busy preparing for Ezra's big day... his 1st birthday! I didn't have any records of my 1st birthday, I'm guessing it could be a small affair, so my greatest wish is to throw my baby a great, big birthday party for the one I didn't have! Anyway, we ought to thank the many people who have shown their love and showered him with gifts over the last year.

We're going to have about 100 guests, more than $500 worth of food, a great big cake and balloon sculpting for the kids! Wheee! 

So anyway, last week, we went to the zoo for the 1st time, it was to celebrate Sarah's 21st birthday, but we had lots of fun with the YOers. 

The little guy loves sitting on statues! I found out when I came across the statue of Ah Meng. He was soooooo happy sitting on him! hah! so cute! Here are some of the highlights :)

 

My baby is 10 months old!

The little monkey has now spent more time outside the womb... 10 months!

Things have been in a rather predictable routine lately. The usual 3 meals, 2 naps and 4 milk feeds, awake before 7am and zonked out by 7pm; on a good day, that is.

On 26th July, he woke up early and I decided to leave him in his cot while I snoozed a little longer. Lo and behold, he flunked himself out of the cot! He must be doing a spiderman stunt! I suspect he reached out to grab the window grills and somehow managed to get his entire body over the edge. Of course he made a big fuss over it. So did Heng's mom. Surprisingly, I was rather calm and collected during the ordeal... I'm getting pretty good at this motherhood thingy! My amazing baby did even get a single bruise or scratch.

So we had to lower the bed... and now, putting him in there became more difficult cos he's getting bigger and heavier and my back doesn't seem to be holding up so well anymore.

Nowadays, his arms are so strong, he goes pull ups in the cot, the playpen and sometimes on the high chair table. He's crawling all over the place and have since gotten a few bumps but nothing major. I'm kinda looking forward to the time he starts walking and talking.

Recipes for my baby monkey

CHEESY MUSHROOM AND TOMATO SAUCE WITH PASTA STARS

2 tbs tiny pasta stars

2 tbs unsalted butter

1/2 small clove garlic

1 1/2 cups sliced button mushrooms

3 tomatoes, peeled, seeded and roughly chopped

1/4 cup grated Cheddar cheese

Cook the pasta according to the instructions on the package.

Melt the butter in a saucepan and saute the garlic for about 30 seconds.

Add the sliced mushrooms and saute for 3 minutes.

Add the tomatoes and cook, covered, until mushy (3-4 minutes).

Stir in the cheese until melted.

Puree the vegetable and cheese mixture, then stir in the cooked pasta.

MINI SHEPHERD'S PIE
2 medium potatoes, peeled and diced
2 medium carrots, peeled and diced
1 tbs vegetable oil
1 small clove garlic, minced
1/4 cup chopped onions
4 oz lean ground beef
1 tomato, peeled, seeded, chopped
1 tbs ketchup
1/2 cup unsalted chicken stock
1 tbs unsalted butter
2 tbs milk

Put the potatoes and carrots into a saucepan, pour in boiling water, and cook the vegetables until tender (about 20 minutes).
Meanwhile, heat the oil in a small saucepan and saute the garlic and onion until softened. Add the ground beef and saute, stirring occasionally, until browned all over.
Add the tomato and ketchup and pour in the stock.
Cover, bring to a boil and then simmer for about 20 minutes.
When the potatoes and carrots are cooked, drain and return to the saucepan together with the butter and milk, and mash with a potato masher until smooth.
Mix the meat with the mashed potato and carrot.

BABY'S BALOGNESE
1/4 cup finely chopped onion
2 tbs finely chopped celery
1 tbs vegetable oil
2 tbs finely grated carrot
5 oz lean ground beef
1 tbs ketchup
2 tomatos, peeled, seeded, chopped
1/4 cup unsalted chicken stock
2 oz spaghetti

Saute the onion and celery in the vegetable oil for 3 to 4 minutes.
Add the grated carrot and cook for 2 minutes. Add the ground beef and stir until browned.
Stir in the ketchup, tomatoes and stock.
Bring the mixture to a boil, then reduce the heat, cover, and cook until the meat is cooked through (10 to 15 mins).
Meanwhile, cook the spaghetti according to package instructions until quite soft. Drain and chop into small lengths.
Transfer the Bolognese sauce to a food processor and puree to a fairly smooth texture before combining with the pasta.

From:
Superfoods for Babies and Children, Annabel Karmel
Feeding your Baby & Toddler, Annabel Karmel

CREAMY MUSHROOM PASTA SAUCE
1 tbs olive oil
3 spring onions, finely chopped
300g mushrooms, sliced
1 tbs fresh parsley, finely chopped
freshly ground black pepper
100ml unsalted vegetable stock
50g full-fat cream cheese
baby pasta or rice, cooked

Heat the oil in a large frying pan, add the spring onions and cook until soft and translucent (5 mins).
Add the mushroom and fry until golden and just beginning to lose their liquid. Add the parsley and black pepper and stir well. Pour in the stock and cook over a gentle heat until the mushrooms are soft (about 4 mins).
Stir in the cream cheese.
To serve, thaw thoroughly. Whiz with handheld blender until smooth, then pour over cooked baby pasta or rice.

BACON AND APPLE BREAD

2 rashers unsmoked back bacon

200g self-rising flour

1/2 tbs baking powder

1 eating apple, peeled and grated

2 tbs fresh parsley, chopped

4tbs olive oil

1 medium free-range egg

85ml full-fat milk

50g medium Chedder cheese, grated

Preheat the oven to 180C. Grease and lightly flour a 1kg loaf tin.

Grill the bacon until crisp, then cut into very small pieces.

Sieve the flour and baking powder into a bowl. Stir in the apple, parsley and bacon, then make a well in the middle.

Mix together the oil, egg, milk and cheese and pour into the well. Mix everything together but do not beat.

Spoon the mixture into the prepared tin and bake for 25 mins until risen and golden.

Cool slightly and server, or cool, slice, wrap each slice individually in foil, and freeze.

BANANA SCONES

450g self-raising flour

pinch of ground cinnamon

60g unsalted butter

1 very ripe medium banana, roughly mashed

284ml buttermilk

4-6 tbs full-fat milk

Preheat the oven to 180C.

Sieve the flour and cinnamon into a large bowl, then rub in the butter until the mixture resembles breadcrumbs. Stir in the banana and buttermilk.

Add enough milk to make a soft sticky dough. Drop little spoonfuls onto a greased baking sheet. Bake for 14-16 mins, until golden and cooked.

Leave to cool on a wire rack.

1st overseas trip

Destination: Bangkok, Thailand. 7 to 10 July 2009.

The flight was at 7.10am, so we were up by 4.15am and out by 5am. Ezra got up for milk and didn't go back to sleep as I have hoped. It was difficult to get him seated during the flight, thank God the seat beside me was empty so we had a little more space to let him fidget.

We were beat when we got there and I had to pump, so we got out for a late lunch and headed back in again for a nap. We managed to drag ourselves out for dinner while MIL and 5th auntie went shopping. I sneaked a massage after Ezra went to bed that night, at 10pm! He only napped twice for 30 mins each time during the day. Man! Was I tired out taking care of him!

I decided we should let Ezra take a dip in the pool so that he'll be tired and take a longer nap. He loved the water! He was squealing in delight and frantically kicking his feet in the water! When he got up, it was cold so he kinda turned blue!! It was so scary! Thanks to Daddy to gave him some body warmth :)

And I was right, he did take a longer nap after the swim! yippie! I do wish there is a pool ready whenever he doesn't wanna sleep, so I can drug him with a swim!

The next day, we headed to the Ocean World at Siam Paragon. It was a rather small place for a large entrance fee! On Thursday, we met up with Bro Johnny and family to celebrate Sis Lydia's birthday over lunch. Next on the schedule was dinner with Sis and Kelvyn. We took a very long walk to the restaurant but was treated with very yummy food... the highlight was the S$100 

8 tiger prawns which we finished! hah!

On the last day, we did more swimming and some shopping. We had lunch at tallest building in Bangkok. The view was wonderful!

I had hope for more shopping but we were so tired! Heng had to carry Ezra all the time because it was difficult to push the stroller on the uneven roads and we practically only walked to our destinations. We had to take turns to eat because the baby chairs in Bangkok do not have harnesses or a tray to prevent the child from falling off... and knowing how fidgety my boy is, I am very sure he wouldn't last 2 minutes in it.

Washing his bottles were a chore because i had to use distilled water and the sterilizing tablet. His sleeping and napping schedule when all hay-wired... and he didn't eat and drink his milk as well as when he was back home. So everything was kinda topsy turvy.

And what better way to end the trip with a beautiful rainbow across the horizon in Bangkok?

Having said all these, I think i'm ready for my next trip already! Penang from 7 to 10 Oct, here I come (to celebrate my 28th birthday with family and lots of yummy food)!

8 months, 1 week old

I think Ezra will be 25 before I know it. Hah!

He can stand up in a split second and cruises about in his cot very quickly. Sometimes he holds on with 1 hand and reaches for a toy (or to destroy my photo frame) with the other. He has less bumps this week than the last. Instead of flopping back and hitting his head against the rails, he can sit down very quickly and get up again. 

He hates being in the jumperoo now... that's his prison... that's where he goes when I have something to do and have to leave the room. That is the only place I know he wouldn't really get into trouble (except when he tries to open my display cabinet door and threatens to put my little friends in his mouth).

I can see more of his personality now... he is definitely impatient and fickle-minded like me! And he stretches out his hand when he wants us to carry him... until he is too demanding with the carrying, this is still a cute and endearing gesture - it means he wants me! I'm not sure if it is... but I think he hugged me on Sunday... he gave me a big squeeze after being passed around for a bit. It felt like he was glad to be back in my arms, and I love that! :)

And when he is standing in his cot and I walk over, he would come and bury his face in my bosom. I would like to interpret that as "I like you, mummy!".

He knows what he wants, or rather, don't want... don't want milk, don't want food, don't want to be left in the jumperoo for too long.

Oh, my baby is so grown up already!

My baby can stand!

On Sunday afternoon, i was in the kitchen washing up, when i came back, i found Ezra standing in his cot! I was rather shocked but relieved that i pulled the railings up, else he could have fallen out. His legs and arms are strong, I have expected him to be able to walk early. He looked very proud of himself. He proceeded to stand at every opportunity he gets.

Now when I put him on the bed while we snooze, he would use our bodies as support to stand. Nothing can stop him now. Dangerous!

He can sit up very steadily now and moves very fast too. I'm dreading the day I misjudge him and let him fall. Well all children will have to fall some time!

I have also started him on 'Your Baby can Read' programme. I am supposed to sit with him to watch it, unfortunately, I used the time to get chores done most of the times. I should spend more time teaching him. I'm excited to find out if he is really taking in the words and I can't wait for him to be reading.

He babbles 'pa pa' and 'ma ma' now, but i think he doesn't really associate us with those words.

Baby will be 8 months old next week. Wow! Time flies! And yay, he will be taking his first overseas trip in July to Bangkok! I can't wait!!! Shopping and eating and bumming around in the nice hotel which I got for a steal! WHEEEE!

My poor, poor baby!

My darling has another bout of constipation... this time more serious than the previous. He hasn't been taking the peas much... but have been happily finishing up his daily dose of pear. I think the rice porridge really binded him up this time... he didn't poop for like 5 days (maybe more, i lost track). Tears accompanied the grunting and grouchy faces. Sometimes is funny to watch his face.

It was so worrying that I took him to the doctor this morning... but silly doctor looked like a fresh grad under his face mask... I told him of the problem, all he said was 'ok'. It was kinda awkward... cos I expected him to at least ask questions or give me some advise... so after a "any other problem?" question, we both said "ok" and left, feeling a little uneasy. 

Anyway, I was hoping 1 dose of medication will do the trick, but after 5 hours and hardly any action, I decided to give him a 2nd dose.

At 6.30pm, after some milk, he burst into major hysterics... grunted, cried and push... finally, a large, hard piece of poop emerged, followed by pee, a little blood and some softer stools. I panicked a little cos I didn't lay the changing mat properly, some pee got onto the bed. But after more milk, all is well, and he is sleeping soundly now. 

I'm gonna monitor the situation and plan his meals properly to make sure this doesn't happen again. It breaks my heart to see my baby cry like that... he has never cried this hard. Oh baby!

My baby is suddenly so grown up!

This week, I suddenly felt like Ezra suddenly grown so much bigger.

He seems to occupy his cot more. The blanket seemed so small. The jumperoo seat is less spacious. He has moved on to using M-sized diapers. His feet sticks out from the pram quite a bit, I have to be careful about where I go. And when he suddenly arches his back and screams, I can't seem to contain him in the sling and has some trouble not dropping him.

He hates spinach, ok with pumpkin and loves pears. He doesn't seem to like his cereal much anymore, after his unable-to-poop episode. I'm really hoping the pear will help him with softening his stools a little.

In 2 weeks, he will be 7 months old. Wow.... I've got to start planning his birthday party already!

Btw, his cheek seems to be chubbier and he seems heavier too! He is growing up too fast!

Of food and poop

So Ezra is 6 months old... time to start on the solids... it's a whole new set of worries, research, testings and successes. 

I've gone through breastmilk feeding (including expressing, bottles, storage, etc), then sleeping and sicknesses (including vaccinations), now semi-solids.

So far, i've tried cereals mixed with breastmilk, which he liked and takes about 4 tablespoons each time. He loves bananas too. He did ok with the sweet potato on the first try. He finished some pumpkin today. Gave him some applesauce but i think it was a little sour for his taste, he was grimacing away, hah! And he kinda hated the porridge with fish... I think that had a little fishy taste which he didn't like, anyway, it did look a bit gooey after blending. 

I've got some pears and spinach in the fridge, all ready to go! I'm kinda getting the hang of it all, it only takes me about 10 minutes to cut up whatever it is and plonk it in the wok to steam. Then 10 minutes later, I come back and scrap the flesh into a cup and blend it until smooth. Then out them into cubes for freezing. 

Now the POOP... it has been soooooo stinky and sticky... just these 2 days! The usual soft stool has thickened and he seemed to have some trouble passing them out. On Monday, I saw him "gek" until his face was all red. It was a funny sight, but I can imagine the strange discomfort he is feeling cos breastmilk-fed baby poop is really nice and soft... and not stinky! Today, he pooped 3 times in about 8 hours... which falls into the diarrhea category in my opinion. I gave him some of the meds from the PD, which worked very well so far, so I hope this problem goes away. And he is developing a diaper-like rash... I wonder if it's a sign of allergy or it's diaper rash due to the change in poop consistency. 

Well... if things aren't looking better tomorrow, we'll be off to the GP.

He seems to be a little fussier today, maybe I didn't try to make him laugh as much, and maybe because it was so darn hot. At least he is asleep now... gives me some R&R time :)

6 months old today

6 months ago at this time, I was screaming my head off. About 30 minutes later, Ezra is born.

It is all still very surreal. When I was delivering him, the experience was so new I didn't know what to think. I wasn't even fully prepared yet. I knew I would freak out to be on a drip, but when the time came, I wasn't hysterical. And I always knew I would dislike staying in the hospital, but it wasn't half as bad. I was so nervous about having the drip needle removed, but it was over in a second and didn't even hurt as much as I would imagine it to be.

I thought I'm all ready to care for him, bathe, feed, change... but when the time came, I was a little less apt. By the time the confinement lady left, I was all worried that I wouldn't be able to care for him well, but the last 5 months have passed without much major episodes.

I am thankful to God because I knew He was the one that helped me along and made Ezra to be a good boy. He knows how much I could handle. He kept me sane so I wouldn't let the depression take over me completely. I would not have been able to do this alone.

Ezra is 6 months old, he is still underweight, still wearing clothes for 0-3 month olds. He still hasn't increased his milk intake and sometimes still fusses during his feeds. He has taken to solids pretty well. He likes bananas, sweet potatos and cereal because they are sweet. He doesn't like porridge with fish as much, but we shall try to accustom him to food without the natural sweet tastes. Oh, and he takes to people very well. He can be passed from person to person at church and not whimper. Problem is he has been making loud noises during service lately so I can't be in the main hall unless he is sleeping. I need to find a way to hear the sermon!

I am very glad to have reached the first milestone in his life. It is a milestone for me too because I would have to strategize what to do with him at every stage - food he eats, things he learns. He has started to crawl without the help of his head. I expect him to attempt walking by the time he is 9 months.

My milk supply has decreased because I only pump twice a day. Nowadays, I find myself lazy to pump! But I am glad I have given him breastmilk for the last 6 months and probably 2 more to go before I change over to formular for convenience sake when we travel to Bangkok. Oh! I can't wait for a vacation! It would be a treat for me to get away from my room for a while! :P

My amazing baby

It's pretty amazing how the baby grows and learn... I'm so fascinated by him.

This week, he has learned to play with the toys on the jumperoo. Previously, he didn't seem interested in them at all. Now he discovered that if he jumped hard enough and pushed one of the rollers, there are sounds. He is so adorable.

He is also laughing more. I realised he feels ticklish when I whisper something at his neck near his ears, he sometimes squeals in delight. He also likes sudden movements; chuckling when I throw him in the air or give him a sudden jerk while he sits on my tummy.

For 2 days last week, his milk intake dropped to 500+ml. He cries when I feed him. Today, he couldn't get enough of milk and would probably hit 900ml. Weird!

Today I also gave him cereals for the first time. He was frowning at the first 2 mouthfuls. He seemed to like it pretty much after that. This is the start of him eating solids! Fun for him (i hope) and more work for me! :P

My baby is growing so fast. Maybe it's time for no. 2. :P

5 months old tomorrow

wow! 5 months is a long time, isn't it? Time really flies. Since my macbook when kapoot, my pictures gone and all messed up, I couldn't figure out the chronological sequence of the pictures... thankfully the blog sort of helps to put that into perspective.

I was just looking at his 2 month old pix, he looks chubbier. Btw, he can still fit in those same clothes... that's how tiny my baby is. He is 5 months old and still wearing 0-3 mths clothings. 

I successfully put him into a schedule - feed 4 hourly and nap after every feed, except maybe the 3pm one... I don't force him when he doesn't sleep... but he usually does the next feed. He usually takes a 1 hour nap in the early morning or afternoon. In the late morning, I try to make him take a 2 hour nap. This way, I get more rest in the afternoons. I shower him at about 5.30pm... sometimes he will zone out by 6pm... but he is usually KO-ed by 7pm. I am very, very pleased with this arrangement, except he only has 6 feeds a day and his milk intake has not increased... but he doesn't seem too affected or hungrier... so I guess it's ok. I shall be starting some solids the end of this month. Really praying this routine goes on for a long while more...

He is really happy when he wakes up after a good nap. This is how I know if he has slept enough. Else you could dance about like a monkey and he doesn't laugh.

On thursday, Bro Desmond called to say he needed a picture of a baby for an article. So happened I was shopping at Robinsons, so it was rather convenient. And his picture came out the next day - on the front page! My darling is a celebrity! Haha!

We tried so hard to make him laugh and smile, but he refused cos it just rained so it was hot and humid, and it was 6pm - almost bedtime! I didn't think the picture turn out very well cos I know I can get nicer pictures of him when he smiles! Anyway, everyone says he looks good... so whatever, lah!

Maybe I should make him a baby model. Haha!

Decisions, decisions, decisions

Well, I have decided NOT to let him cry-it-out. My heart fails me. Anyway, I decided I won't let the both of us suffer... I guess mommy suffering is enough. Wow! What a sacrifice! 

I try to catch a wink whenever he takes a nap... and it seems like he naps better whenever I am not napping. And he naps like 15 minutes sometimes, when I lay down, he is awake! I get so tired sometimes... :(

He had quite a sudden change in his sleeping schedule. He would go to bed by 7pm or 8pm sometimes... and would wake up at 5.30am or 6am. That's WAY TOO EARLY for me! He sleeps well from 7pm to 2.3am, that's when he wakes up for a feed. From then on, he has disturbed sleep and would whimper and wiggle about. Somehow, whenever he moves or make a sound, I would get up. So I get up quite a few times each night but promptly goes back to sleep again since I was so tired. 

Now I am trying to put him in a more predictable schedule... a 4 hourly feed and a nap after every feed, if possible. He is not drinking as much milk as he should, but the PD says he is fine and will take whatever he wants so I should stop worrying. His pants seems to be lose lately, I hope he is not loosing weight, although he feels heavier to me. He is either really heavier or my arms are failing me.

I absolutely love it when he smiles at me and when I manage to make him laugh. It really makes my day... and that's what I look forward to everyday, besides 10pm (so I can go to bed!).

Oh, and I am glad that the milk supply is S L O W L Y increasing again :)

10 days to 5 months old

Was just looking back at the older posts... wow, Ezra seemed to have grown so much in such a short time! People always say babies grow so fast... I didn't really see it until I look back at the photos :) He is definitely heavier, I can feel it! My arms and back hurts!

The little big boy went from 6 poop a day to 1 poop in 6 days. Stress man. Apparently it's pretty normal. I suspect its the Reutefene that the PD gave. Maybe he's absorbing so much nutrients he's so heavy now!

Seriously, I can't have 1 week of peace... every week is a challenge. Plus I'm down with a cold this week... I hope he doesn't catch it.

Over the weekend, he successfully flipped onto his tummy! yay! Nowadays, he will roll about in his cot... and when he flips onto his tummy, he will be squealing in delight... and when he is tired, he will cry cos he can't flip back. haha... my silly little big boy.

I have made the tough decision to let him learn how to fall asleep on his own, hoping that he will begin to sleep through the night and we both have a better time. I've now started with holding and patting him but refrain from walking about while trying to put him to sleep. He has already shown his dismay by crying his heart out for 25 minutes last night and today's early nap. I cannot imagine just leaving him on the cot and let him cry. I hope the experts are right, it should only take about 3 days for him to get used to it. My heart goes out to him. My poor poor darling. I am already tempted to give up my rest at night and just go on with what I have been doing.

To add on to the stress, my milk production has decreased for the last 3 days... from the usual 1,000ml to less than 700ml yesterday. Every drop is precious again. The frozen stash can only last a month... I do want to give him breastmilk as long as possible although it is a hassle pumping 3 times a day. Well, if I can last till he is 6 months old, I would probably convince myself to give up pumping. We just have to spend more money to get him formula milk.

I pray that God will help me through these times.

4 months old today

Time really flies. Ezra is 4 months old already. He weighs 5.7kg last week.

Friday the 13th

It has been a stressful time for me. After his last bout of' under-feeding, I brought him for his 6-in-1 vaccination and Rotarix. He broke into a mean fever of 38.5 degrees at one point. From then on, he was fussing more and drinking less. To make things worse, Heng was obliged to go to Bangkok for some meetings that day so I was all alone to deal with his first illness. I think I did pretty well, since it was 1.30am in the morning, I couldn't do much, so I sponged him and put a patch on his forehead. His temperature went down to normal later that morning. I survived! I didn't sound this positive that day for sure!

To top it all up, my hard disk crashed that evening. My computer and the internet is my window to the outside world. I keep track of Ezra's feeds and my pumping on iCal. I was also depending on it to communicate to Heng who was in Bangkok since he didn't have auto-roaming on his phone. And worse of all, my precious pictures of Ezra were all in there! I was really upset. 

I have since replace a 320G hard disk for $510 + $120 (argghh!) and the shop is trying to recover my data for me. I am really praying very hard that my data gets recovered. I just want my photos back!!! sob.

Anyway, I learnt to be creative dealing with Ezra's feeding problems... I try to stretch the timings so he will be hungrier when I feed him and feed him when he is half alseep. We'll just have to see how things goes - I hope he goes back to his normal cheerful self and drinking 700+ml of milk.

And another problem - he seemed to poop a lot more these 2 days... 3 times yesterday and 4 times today so far. I hope he doesn't keep up with this, else he will be dehydrated.

I need to pray more.

15 weeks old

This is the worse period for me so far... many moms must think this is 'sup sup soui' but it has been a stressful and tiring time for me.

Today is Sunday, since Thursday night, baby has been crying during his feeds. His cries sound so painful and he looked so uncomfortable. I highly suspect he is teething early. He has been drooling and putting his fingers in his mouth alot more. He is already drinking less than what he is supposed to, and these 2 days, he drank no more than 500ml, way less than what he was taking. I worry that he does not have enough to drink. And MIL keeps asking if he drank... which also stresses me out.

I try to be confident in my decisions and diagnosis, but I can't help the hint of worry and doubt... what if i'm wrong? Anyway, I improvised and try to feed him when he is half asleep, which has worked well so far. At least he is taking more than 500ml. 

Although he seems less happy, seeing him smile and laugh puts me at ease. My mind and body is so tired though.

We got him a 2nd hand rainforest jumperoo... finally! I put him in it for a few minutes, but I think he is a little tired today, so we shall try more tomorrow.

3 months old today

I'm definitely feeling much better today :)

Ezra is 5.2kg this month. He has been laughing and 'speaking' more. He also cries more - like today... he fussed so much, I feel so exhausted! He can hold up his head fairly well now, b

ut still needs help. He enjoys 'standing' on his feet - he sometimes breaks into laughter when I put him on his feet. He likes to make bubbles with his saliva and loves to suck his fingers... sometimes 3 fingers at a time and make loud noises while at it.

We bought him a little pool specially for babies to swim in. We got it out this morning and let him try in it. I climbed in too :)

He seems happy kicking but a little apprehensive because it is his first time. He didn't smile but he looked like he enjoyed himself.

I can't wait for him to start crawling! I know he'll be a handful then, but watching him achieve all the milestones makes me so happy.

A New Year

Time flew by. Ezra is 2.5 months already.

It is not a very good start to the new year for me. Depression sets in slowly... the books were right - they come and go quickly, I can hardly catch myself when it happens. I am more emotional than ever and I think silly things. I put all sorts of scenarios in my mind and imagine the worse. I don't seem to realise it until it is over (for the time being). It makes me such a tiresome person to live with (here it comes again!). I'm at a lost... I don't feel like there is anyone I can talk to or anyone who could understand.

I feel like I need a break... just do something that I like for a while, like go shopping or have something nice to eat... but doing it alone still makes me feel alone. Well, technically I'm not alone cos Ezra is with me :)
Basically, I just feel I am in this alone. Wow, single mothers must go through so much!
I will try to occupy myself as much as possible, although tiredness sets in so often I just need to sleep it away, then I get up feeling lousy again. Terrible cycle! What to do??!? I'm lost!

Ezra is starting to smile and laugh more each day. Sometimes he would stare at the ceiling and break into giggles. Joy fills my heart to see and hear him laugh. Anxiety and gloom sets in when he cries. We have more or less settled into a routine. He feeds every 3 hours, sleeps at about 9pm and gets up at approx. 2am and 6am at night, bathes at 9am and 6pm. I pump 4 times a day and have enough to freeze 1 bag a day for future use.

MIL just said she has difficulty with the household chores, so I will take on cleaning the floor every other day from now on. I do a thorough cleaning of the room once a week and dust it almost every day. I try to clean the rest of the rooms every fortnight. I break them down into many days so I do a little everyday. I try to do these when Ezra is asleep or when I leave him in his cot to play himself. Thankfully he is a good boy and can be left alone for a few minutes.

Sigh... and no time with Heng too - no dates, no walks, not even meals together. So miserable.