Introducing Ruth

I woke up at 5.30am on 3 December to give Ezra his usual middle-of-the-night milk feed. I instantly felt my body was at odds, somehow. I didn't have contractions yet, but I knew I was going to have the baby that day. I took my time to take a shower and prepare Ezra's milk feeds for the rest of the day. Then I hung around until 7am before waking Heng and Ezra up. By then, I was having contractions that was about 5 minutes apart. They didn't last very long and wasn't overtly excruciating.

We decided to leave Ezra with my MIL... hoping my labour will not drag on and she would be able to handle him in the meantime. Thankfully, Clare was around to keep him occupied as well.

We strolled into the hospital at 8am, went to the labour ward and waited while they prepared a bed to examine me; to determine if I was ready for labour. The contractions were still about 5 minutes apart but they were getting increasingly painful. One of the nurses checked me and said I was already 7cm dilated and ready for labour.

By about 9am, the contractions came fast and furious. The 1st wave of pain was bearable and I was still conscious and in control. The next wave was so terrible I am seriously having second thoughts about having another baby. I was probably on the verge of unconsciousness and the voices of the nurses and Heng were far, far away. I was instructed to convert my screamings in to energy for pushing. I tried so hard but the pain was so bad I had to scream. The gas mask didn't help me to concentrate any more. I felt like bearing down every other second. And then came the pains of all pains that drove me to deliriousness. It was this constant techno-like beep sounding in my head with little colored square boxes that looked kind of retro and disco-like... the tempo increased like a raging fire and finally my brains felt like bursting... then came silence... until the next wave of contractions came. Thankfully, I only went through once more of this head-bursting, techno-crazy sounding agony. The active labour part was excruciating. I could feel the head of the baby popping out, the contractions made me want to push so badly but I was instructed to wait lest I tear my perineum badly. The pressure was intense, the pain so sharp. I was holding on to the rails and to Heng's hand so tightly. Thankfully, it didn't go on much longer. But the time I delivered Ruth, I was thoroughly exhausted (though not as exhausted then when I was having Ezra because I was having contractions for a long time, then). It was only 4 hours from the start of the contractions till I delivered... but it felt like a lifetime of pain.

I was thankful for the kind nurses that attended to me this time. I was put in more comfortable positions and they were more encouraging. I remembered the nurse being rather irritated with me for not being able to push well; when I was having Ezra.

I did well this time... and I had a baby girl! I also recovered from the ordeal much quicker as I was already out of bed by that afternoon. The stitches didn't quite hurt as bad and although I ached all over by the 2nd day, I was feeling great.

Ruth is now 3 weeks old. I was struggling with engorgement on the 3rd day and trying to feed her directly from the breast. As much as I would like to feed her directly, it seems that she has taken to the bottle quite well and does not want to suckle me. And in a week, I will be struggling to handle 2 monkeys all by myself, with the pumping, feeding, changing, cleaning, washing... although I knew the tasks at hand and have been trying to prepare myself, but when the time comes closer I become more worried that I may fail in my duties.

I thank God for this new experience and I pray that He will give me strength and wisdom, patience and unconditional love for my children.